There has been a lot of media coverage recently over high profile marriage breakdowns (too much actually, but I guess that's what the celebrity obsessed want to know about) and they are branded a failure. Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is no shame in it. I have had a couple of friends contact me in the last week with the news their marriages have also ended and while it is a challenging time, it is certainly not a failure on anyone’s part.
Life is not a fairy tale and unfortunately relationships run their course. People grow and people grow apart. When two people come together their paths cross and a relationship puts them on a path together. These meetings were destined and were always going to happen and if children were born out of these relationships, they were meant to happen too. To separate is a decision that creates a great deal of inner conflict – to hold on or to let go. However, you cannot hold on because you are too scared to let go.
Divorce signifies a change of life style, it can represent loneliness and real losses such as home, family, children, friends, finances and even identity. Accompanying divorce is grief, anger, denial, depression and hopefully, eventually, acceptance. In addition to this emotional rollercoaster and the stress that change brings, is fear of the unknown.
A client I will call Anna came to see me following the breakdown of her 20 plus year marriage. Without going into great detail of her past life as it is not necessary, a significant scene that presented throughout was her feeling stuck in a dark and restricting space. She couldn’t see anything and she didn’t know what was going on around her, she felt extremely fearful.
While other insights and revelations were discovered, the assimilation that her subconscious mind was demonstrating to her was the deepest underlying emotion that she was experiencing in her current life, a total fear of the unknown and uncertainty her immediate future posed.
Fear is a dominant emotion in times of transition and to successfully move forward each fear has to be dealt with and each loss mourned. Such a crisis can present danger or opportunity. This emotional and painful period can be, if you let it, an intense phase of personal growth. Moving towards acceptance of the situation and releasing the attachment to what once was allows for more space and flow within, which opens up possibilities to new experiences and unknown parts of the self.
This personal growth also creates the likelihood of something wonderful happening so if you are going through a difficult separation, keep moving forward through this stressful transition as you are creating space for amazing things to materialise.