Some people marry their childhood sweetheart and live happily ever after.
Some people stay in unhealthy, long term relationships.
Some people have several karmic relationships for important lessons to learn and wounds to heal.
Some people don’t fall into relationships at all.
Whatever the scenario, it is all a part of the master plan.
For those of you who find yourself stuck in a pattern of attracting the same type of partner and for those relationships not to work out, here’s why.
When you talk about a ‘type’ you think about physical features, like ‘tall, dark and handsome’, yet the type you attract comes down to more subtle characteristics and traits.
Often you don’t attract a partner despite their negative traits, but because of them!
There is a basic law of attraction at play and you end up attracting people that match your core beliefs, not in a harmonious way, but according to what you need to learn and change about yourself.
Your core beliefs date back to your earliest relationships, those with your primary caregivers (most commonly, your mother).
The attachment patterns that are formed in these early years unknowingly become what you may seek out in adult relationships that create the same (familiar) emotional environment.
For example, if you felt unseen or overlooked as a child you may be drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable, non-committal or even married to someone else.
If you felt you had to take care of everyone (often first born children) you may seek partners who need to be saved or rescued.
If you were overprotected, you may seek someone to take care of you and, therefore, become dependent on them.
If you felt rejected or unloved you may attract someone who cheats on you or, at least, makes you feel insecure and jealous.
If you were abused (sexually, emotionally, physically) you may attract a partner who abuses, manipulates or is very controlling of you.
You get the idea.
Of course, when you first met, there were positive reasons why you were attracted to them. There was a spark because you were physically attracted to each other, they made you laugh or you had similar interests.
However, think about the less obvious qualities that may have drawn you to them.
Was there an initial disinterest so you had to subconsciously fight for their attention?
Did they pursue you aggressively making you feel flattered and important?
Our childhood wounds play a vital part of the relationships we attract and when they go unhealed we attract the same base line characteristics in another.
To break this negative pattern of choosing the same partner, look at your past relationships and notice any similarities.
Did they want you to take care of them or want to control you?
Did they pull away from intimate conversations?
Did they avoid meeting your emotional needs and voicing their own?
As you become aware of your patterns you can identify what needs to heal within you. This self-enquiry will lead you to challenging the way you feel about yourself.
Do you like yourself?
Are you comfortable in your body?
Do you love yourself?
Healing these wounds, healing the disconnect within, you become a much healthier version of yourself and you will attract a deeper, soul level love with the perfect person for you creating a long lasting, joyous union!
Twin Flame separation is a necessary part of the Twin Flame journey.
Twin Flames will come into union, separate and then be guided back to one another.
This reunion happens when both twins have learnt important life lessons, when they have been put on the path of self-mastery.
They don’t have to have completely mastered themselves, but they do need to be in a position where they can take care of each other on a soul level and ascend together.
Reunion is profound and passionate.
Separation is purposeful.
The deep love and connection becomes evident during the separation stage, most often after a painful spiritual awakening.
Lessons must be learnt, such as detachment, acceptance, surrender, forgiveness, trust and a core inner strength that builds emotional intelligence.
Forgiveness is a big part of the journey because it is likely that Twins have experienced a great deal of pain caused by one another.
Separation is most likely caused by one Twin walking away.
You may experience a painful longing for your Twin and wonder how you will cope with the loss and the heartache.
This pain is the catalyst in your growth and teaches you to focus on healing your own heart, while coming to terms with the fact that no matter how much you wish to be with them, it just is not the right time.
Twin Flame separation can be very lonely as not many of your circle, your family or friends, understand what you are actually going through or understand the phenomenon itself.
Sometimes it is easier not to try and explain it.
Even though Twin Flame separation can be painful, Twins are still connected on a deep level.
Twins continue to think of each other all of the time and can feel each other’s energy.
You develop a sixth sense and know when they are going through a hard time, when they are emotional or upset and even when they are thinking of you.
It’s difficult to lose someone you love and to not be able to give that person the love you feel for them, but this is a stage all Twins must go through and grow from.
Just like Broken Heart Syndrome being a real thing, so is Twin Flame Separation Sickness. Self-care and self-pleasure, doing what brings you joy and peace, is essential.
There is no rule book, or knowing when reunion will come, you just have to trust in the process and reduce the pain and physical illness that you may experience, by focusing on your own growth and ascension.
You can mentally try to block out your Twin Flame, but your soul yearns for oneness and to be reunited with its divine partner.
When both of you are ready the Universe will conspire to reunite you and this loving union will be undeniable and unbreakable.
The most common thing I see as a therapist is my clients having a deep seated belief that they aren’t good enough and this usually stems from being deprived of the love they needed as a child.
This leads to behaving from within a painful framework of loss, one which unconsciously shapes your personality and identity.
The way you survive your early years from a place of feeling unworthy of love, of not being good enough, becomes your path of awakening later in life when you realise you can no longer exist from within that place of grief and loss.
An extension from not feeling good enough or worthy of love, is feeling disconnected from others, from feeling undeserving of even being here, to feeling like ‘I don’t matter.’
You cannot heal this emotional trauma from affirmations alone.
If you are knowingly on a Twin Flame journey, then you have most likely experienced what is known as a ‘dark night of the soul’, a dark place where your world has collapsed, you’ve lost meaning to life, maybe even experienced a dark depression.
This is, in fact, the beginning of a deep spiritual awakening. What collapses is the conceptual framework around the meaning you give to your life and when you eventually emerge from the darkness you do so with a transformed state of consciousness.
You awaken to something deeper; you have a deeper sense of connection to yourself and to something bigger than life that is not dependent on any explanation or theoretical ideology.
It is the death of the ego. A re-birthing of the soul.
Every Twin Flame relationship is unique and can’t be simplified, but there is a common thread, a general pattern of the Twin Flame journey.
It can be an intense, overwhelming and painful experience all in one. You may not even know you are on a Twin Flame journey until much later when you go through your own spiritual awakening and start to question why the love you feel never dies.
Heck, you may have never heard of the expression ‘Twin Flames’!
The theory was born from ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, who first created the idea of souls ‘split in two’ that eternally yearn to find their ‘other halves.’ (Maybe this is where the term ‘my other half’ comes from!)
The Twin Flame journey is a profound one, elevating twins to their highest potential and to a deeply fulfilling union.
Here are the stages of the Twin Flame journey…
1. Meeting Your Twin Flame
When you meet your Twin Flame you experience an intense attraction for one another, an instant magnetic pull. The strong connection is undeniable, but you may be completely oblivious to the term and concept of ‘Twin Flames’. You fall deeply and madly in love.
Ever wondered if your relationship is meant to go the distance?
The relationships we have are not always with soulmates that are healing in nature, often they are with karmic partners that aren’t meant to last.
What is a karmic relationship?
Most of us are likely to have experienced at least one karmic relationship, or sometimes several!
A karmic relationship is a relationship that was destined, but rather than for the purpose of coming together in harmonious love like Twin Flames, it is a union that pushes your buttons and becomes toxic by nature.
Karmic relationships are temporary and are designed to guide you and teach you, to clear karma from previous lives or previous relationships.
Karmic relationships are about growth, not perfect union where you grow together.