Some people marry their childhood sweetheart and live happily ever after.
Some people stay in unhealthy, long-term relationships.
Some people have several karmic relationships for important lessons to learn and wounds to heal.
Some people don’t fall into relationships at all.
Whatever the scenario, it is all a part of the master plan.
For those of you who find yourself stuck in a pattern of attracting the same type of partner and for those relationships not to work out, here’s why.
When you talk about a ‘type’ you think about physical features, like ‘tall, dark and handsome’, yet the type you attract comes down to more subtle characteristics and traits.
Often you don’t attract a partner despite their negative traits, but because of them!
There is a basic law of attraction at play, and you end up attracting people that match your core beliefs, not in a harmonious way, but according to what you need to learn and change about yourself.
Your core beliefs date back to your earliest relationships, those with your primary caregivers (most commonly, your mother).
The attachment patterns that are formed in these early years unknowingly become what you may seek out in adult relationships that create the same (familiar) emotional environment.
For example, if you felt unseen or overlooked as a child you may be drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable, non-committal or even married to someone else.
If you felt you had to take care of everyone (often first-born children) you may seek partners who need to be saved or rescued.
If you were overprotected, you may seek someone to take care of you and, therefore, become dependent on them.
If you felt rejected or unloved you may attract someone who cheats on you or, at least, makes you feel insecure and jealous.
If you were abused (sexually, emotionally, physically) you may attract a partner who abuses, manipulates or is very controlling of you.
You get the idea.
Of course, when you first met, there were positive reasons why you were attracted to them. There was a spark because you were physically attracted to each other, they made you laugh or you had similar interests.
However, think about the less obvious qualities that may have drawn you to them.
Was there an initial disinterest so you had to subconsciously fight for their attention?
Did they pursue you aggressively making you feel flattered and important?
Our childhood wounds play a vital part of the relationships we attract and when they go unhealed we attract the same base line characteristics in another.
To break this negative pattern of choosing the same partner, look at your past relationships and notice any similarities.
Did they want you to take care of them or want to control you?
Did they pull away from intimate conversations?
Did they avoid meeting your emotional needs and voicing their own?
As you become aware of your patterns you can identify what needs to heal within you.
This self-enquiry will lead you to challenge the way you feel about yourself.
Do you like yourself?
Are you comfortable in your body?
Do you love yourself?
Healing these wounds, healing the disconnect within, you become a much healthier version of yourself and you will attract a healthier relationship as a result.
Much love,
Robyn x